Jokes
Naukrani: "Malkin! Chote Baba Ne Cockroach Kha Lia
hai."
Malkin: "Oh God!Call Doctor Fast"
Naukrani: "Aap Tension Na Lo ..Maine Chote Baba Ko
BAYGON Pila dia hai."
------------------------------
Pappu Ne Jalte Hue Makan Se 6 Logo Ko Apni Jaan Pe
Khelkar Bahar
Nikala
Fir Bhi Usko Jail Ho Gayi
Qun...
Qun..Ki Vo Sab Firebrigade Wale The
-----------
Santa-Oye! what R U doing?
Banta-Recording this babys voice.
> Santa-Why?
Banta- When he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by
this
-----------
Wife: I hate the beggar who came yesterday!
Husband: Why??
Wife: I gave him food yesterday & today he gifted me a
book? How to
Cook"!!
-----------
Santa ki ladai apne baap se ho gayi
To usne apne baap ki photo kabristan me 1 ped pe latka
diya
Aur Niche Likha
"COMING SOON"
-----------
A man calls his wife through an idea mobile.
But the cal goes to another woman.
They loved & got married.
Moral: an !dea can change ur wife
-------------
A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client with a note
"This Bill is one
year old"
He got his bill bak with a note that read"Happy
Birthday!"
----------
SARDAR:- Yar iska matlab kya hota hai, "I AM
GOING"?
FRIEND:- Main jaa raha hun.
SARDAR:- Saaley, aise kaise jayega, answer bata ke jaa..
---------
Santa went to temple & saw people puting coin in
box & praying
Santa: Wow! How amazing. People are talking to God through
coin phone
without receiver
--------------
Ek Aadmi Kabar Pe Baitha Tha ..Musafir Ne Pucha,
"Darr Nahi Lagta?"
Aadmi- "Darne Ki Kya Baat Hai , Andar Garmi Lag Rahi
Thi Thodi Der Bahar
Aa Gaya."
---------------------
Bin Laden's son was studing in an American school.
Teacher asked him, " I have 4 apples, how can I share
it among 5
children"
He answerd, "KILL ONE"
--------------------
Waiter gives bill to Sardar
Sardar: "Take my card."
Waiter: "But sir, this is Ration Card."
Sardar: "So what? U have writen outside
"ALL CARDS ACCEPTED"...
hai."
Malkin: "Oh God!Call Doctor Fast"
Naukrani: "Aap Tension Na Lo ..Maine Chote Baba Ko
BAYGON Pila dia hai."
------------------------------
Pappu Ne Jalte Hue Makan Se 6 Logo Ko Apni Jaan Pe
Khelkar Bahar
Nikala
Fir Bhi Usko Jail Ho Gayi
Qun...
Qun..Ki Vo Sab Firebrigade Wale The
-----------
Santa-Oye! what R U doing?
Banta-Recording this babys voice.
> Santa-Why?
Banta- When he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by
this
-----------
Wife: I hate the beggar who came yesterday!
Husband: Why??
Wife: I gave him food yesterday & today he gifted me a
book? How to
Cook"!!
-----------
Santa ki ladai apne baap se ho gayi
To usne apne baap ki photo kabristan me 1 ped pe latka
diya
Aur Niche Likha
"COMING SOON"
-----------
A man calls his wife through an idea mobile.
But the cal goes to another woman.
They loved & got married.
Moral: an !dea can change ur wife
-------------
A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client with a note
"This Bill is one
year old"
He got his bill bak with a note that read"Happy
Birthday!"
----------
SARDAR:- Yar iska matlab kya hota hai, "I AM
GOING"?
FRIEND:- Main jaa raha hun.
SARDAR:- Saaley, aise kaise jayega, answer bata ke jaa..
---------
Santa went to temple & saw people puting coin in
box & praying
Santa: Wow! How amazing. People are talking to God through
coin phone
without receiver
--------------
Ek Aadmi Kabar Pe Baitha Tha ..Musafir Ne Pucha,
"Darr Nahi Lagta?"
Aadmi- "Darne Ki Kya Baat Hai , Andar Garmi Lag Rahi
Thi Thodi Der Bahar
Aa Gaya."
---------------------
Bin Laden's son was studing in an American school.
Teacher asked him, " I have 4 apples, how can I share
it among 5
children"
He answerd, "KILL ONE"
--------------------
Waiter gives bill to Sardar
Sardar: "Take my card."
Waiter: "But sir, this is Ration Card."
Sardar: "So what? U have writen outside
"ALL CARDS ACCEPTED"...
Mr Bean special.....
1) BRAIN TUMOR:
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!
2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!
4) AT AN ATM MACHINE:
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!
5) Marriage:
Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.
6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you take anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.
7) DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!
Cool MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.
9) Spelling lesson:
Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful... ..is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure
Special....
Chaewala ladki dekh kar bola: bholi si soorat, ankhaon mein masti, dur
khadi sharmaye, aae haaye,
Ladki boli: kali si surat, haath me ketli, dur khara chilaye, chae chae.
...............................................
Boy says 2 girl: tute hue dil se pyar karogi ya dil tutne tak pyar karogi.
Girl says: tuti hui chapal se pite ga ya chappal tutne tak pitega.
...............................................
Hotel mein khana kha k sardar haath k badle wash basin dhone laga.
Waiter ne pucha kya kar rahe ho?
Sardar bola: dikhta nahi lekha hai wash basin
...............................................
Husband: if I die, will u remarry?
Wife: no, I'll stay with my sister.
Wife: if I die will u remarry?
Husband: no I'll also stay with your sister.
............................................... Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!
**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
**********
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
**********
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever !!!"
**********
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.
**********
Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad
got heart attack & our driver ran away.
**********
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are
urs ???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.
**********
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son,
that's confidential!
**********
Q. What are the fastest Way of communication?
Options are -->
A Internet
B Telephone
C Tell a woman!
think about it and see the answer below
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
--
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
--
-
Correct Ans: C. tell a women
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Ek sardar ka 20 saal baad beta hua. Woh udas hogaya.
2nd dost : yaar udas kyon ho?
Sardar: 20 saal baad beta hua tay "oh vi inna chota"
***************************************************************************************
I asked Abhishek what is the difference between old Umrao
Jaan and new Umrao Jaan?
Abhishek: nayi wali se apni setting hai. Aur old wali se papa ki.
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Larka : hum 25 bhai hain.
Larki : kiya aap k ghar family planning wale nahi aate?
Larka : aaye tahe school samjh k vapas chale gaye.
*****************************************************************************************
Ek admi ki car se parrot takra k behosh hogaya.
Admi parrot ko ghar le gaya pinjre main rakha aur khana diya.
Parrot hosh se jaga aur bola "aila jail? Car ka driver mar gaya kya?"
****************************************************************************************
A boy on Date With Gal in BMW.
"Jaan ! Maine tumse ek baat chupaai hai
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
ki I'm already married.
Girl: Oh GOD! Tumne To dara he dia tha,
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
main Samjhi yeh BMW Car tumhari nahi.
**********************************************************************************
Shehzada saleem: humari amma aur abba humse itna pyar
karte tahe k humare sone tak humare pass baithe rahte aur hum phir bhi
na sote.
Wazeer: isiliye to aap eklote rah gaye
************************************************************************************
Father 2 son : padosi ki ladki ko dekh. Woh exam main 1st aai hai.
Son: us ko he to dekhta tha tabhe to fail hogaya.
*************************************************************************************
At a dance party,
Boy: will u dance with me?
Girl: main bache k saath nahi nachti.
Boy: so sorry! Mujhe pata nahi tha k aap pregnant hain.
***************************************************************************************
*Sardar:* My mobile bill how much?*
Call centre girl:* sir, just dial 123to know current bill status*
Sardar:* Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL..*
* *Friend:* I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!*
Sardar:* Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!*
Teacher:* Which is the oldest animal in world?*
Sardar:* ZEBRA*
Teacher:* How?*
Sardar:* Bcoz it is Black & White *
Judge:* Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court..*
Sardar to judge:* U R coming daily, don't U have shame?*
Question:* "Should Women have Children after 35?"*
Smart Sardar Replied:* "No!
35 Children R More than Enough!!"
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.*
Manager:* Do U know MS Office?*
Sardar:* If U give me the address I will go there sir.
(Best one)
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:
"I MISS YOU"*
Sardarji replied:*
"I Mr YOU" !!.
After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's
Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said:
"Torch is okay"
Sardar1: Oye, what will happen if electricity is not discovered?
Sardar2: Nothing, we must watch TV in candle light.
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay
... Bombay "*
Air hostess said:* "B silent."*
Sardar:* "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"
Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...! !!*
Sir:* What is difference between Orange and Apple?*
Sardar:* Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE